so I had nataly on october 22nd 2006! she was born at 4:42pm she was 5lbs. and 14oz and 19in! well now she's 6 weeks old! she's a little cranky baby, but the most beautiful baby i've ever seen in my life, and she is mine!
i'm very happy she's here finally! she is very gassy though, and that makes it hard for her to fall asleep! but no matter how hard my life is right now, i know that i love her, and i know that everything will get better!
but that brings me to victor and his boys! he'd rather drive to go get the boys, instead of stay here and hold his daughter! he won't get up in the middle of the night with her, and even if he's up he won't hold her! today i was asleep and he was up watching t.v. nataly started crying, and he gets up and goes to the bedroom, and goes to sleep! WTF is up with that!?
it hurts my feelings, cause it's like he doesn't even care about her. sure he'll watch her if i go out, or he'll watch her for a couple hours while i get to sleep, but there has to be someone here for that to happen! he wants to hold her, and do stuff with her when other people are around. why you ask, cause he doesn't want them to think that he's as bad of a daddy as he really is!
it hurts my feelings to have to say that but it's true! he wonders why i'm bitchy all the time, well it's cause i do everything alone! i can't handle all the stress that i have, and i am alone, taking care of nataly. i could do this living alone, and not be with him! i just don't want my daughter to have to grow up without her daddy! and i still love him with all my so i don't want to leave him, but he really needs to change his ways!
he'll bring the boys here, and not even let me know they are coming! not that he has to ask permission to bring his boys over, but it would be nice to know! like the other day i wanted to go do something, and we couldn't cause he decided to have the boys stay the night without even letting me know! so of course i'm gonna be pissed! sunday night ethan stayed the night, along with adrian! that's another thing that really pisses me off, is that everytime the boys stay here adrian and nancy has to stay! why? he doesn't live here anymore, and he's a little too old for sleep overs! it makes me really mad! he's rude, and he's a fucking slob, and i can't stand it! nancy, i don't like her! she is victor's neice, and she's a really sneaky, nosy, disgusting little girl! she reminds me of her mom (victor's sister) and i can't stand her either!
well i don't know if i can take much more! i'm on paxil cause i'm depressed. i just have so much shit going on in my life, and it drives me crazy! i try to do everything alone, well not really by choice! so ijust have all this crap on my shoulders, and this is the only place i can get them out, cause no one wants to listen to me, and the one's that do try to give me advice, and that's something i don't want! i just want to be better, and not get advice from people that really don't know what the fuck is going on!
plus another thing is it is christmas time, and we are broke! it's depressing! i hate xmas, and most of all i hate winter! i have been home since thursday, and even on thursday i went to doctors and had nataly with me! i don't get to really do anything! and i know it was my choice to have nataly and i love her, and all the time i get to spend with her, but it would be nice to have some "me time."

well today is 5 days before my due date!
i am way too excited! I just hope she doesn't come after my due date! that would really suck! well really idk what to talk about! well i guess i can talk about school! i started going to online school last month, and it is going great! i got my grades in the mail from the first two classes i took and i got an A and a B in those classes! my gpa is 3.50! i like doing this! i'm majoring in criminal justice for my bachelors degree! it's great! i think i want to be a social worker for abused and neglected children! i think that would be something great to do!

i think something may be a little wrong! i had doctors yesterday, and i am 37 weeks pregnant, and i have doctors again next week and my doctor wants to have another ultrasound done, cause nataly is not measuring as she should be at this time! my doctor said it's nothing to be worried about that if she were really concerned that she would've done the ultrasound yesterday, but i think she may be sugar coating this! i wonder if she would do that? i hope everything is okay! she said to look at it as if we are just getting one more look at her before she comes! i'm worried! my whole pregnancy has been great, and i've been thinking that at the end something will go wrong! i hope not, but nothing is this perfect! not in my life!

hello, today is alright! i feel a little sick! but whatever i guess that's normal considering! i'm 36 weeks pregnant (9 months) how exciting! i got all the baby's stuff somewhat organized to the acceptance of the space provided! adrian moves out next weekend, so then i can wash everything, and then put it all away! in my daughter's room! how weird is that!? it sounds soo weird! this will be the MOST hardest and biggest challenge in my life, but i think i can handle it! if god didn't think i could he would have never let this happen! everything happens for a reason i was always told!
well schools going great! i'm almost done! just two weeks left, then on the 15th of october we start a whole semester! this one was just a mini course due to late registration! but everythings going great!
amanda

well today i had doctors and everything is good! the next time i go in is 2 weeks and i have to get an exam done! but it'll all be over soon! roxy is back home! thank god!! she's pregnant victor thinks, but i'm not so sure!! i hope not cause it'll probably not be by the dog of my choice, and i especially hope it's NOT gordo! he's so ugly, and stupid!
but i'm really happy she is home!
my babyshower was sunday! it wasn't as great as i thought. there were a lot of people that came and didn't get me anything, (it wouldn't bother me as much if they weren't the same people that were out saturday spending $ on alcohol) and most of the people i invited didn't even come. It really makes me mad, and even kinda depressed! But ohh well i don't think there's really anything i can do to make things better except to forget it and just not go to their kids crap, or to go and not bring anything! what's fair is fair! right? right!
well school is going great! i'm almost done with these two courses, and the next three courses start on oct. 16th so hopefully everything is great and I pass all my classes!
but i guess that's all for now!