so I had nataly on october 22nd 2006! she was born at 4:42pm she was 5lbs. and 14oz and 19in! well now she's 6 weeks old! she's a little cranky baby, but the most beautiful baby i've ever seen in my life, and she is mine!
i'm very happy she's here finally! she is very gassy though, and that makes it hard for her to fall asleep! but no matter how hard my life is right now, i know that i love her, and i know that everything will get better!
but that brings me to victor and his boys! he'd rather drive to go get the boys, instead of stay here and hold his daughter! he won't get up in the middle of the night with her, and even if he's up he won't hold her! today i was asleep and he was up watching t.v. nataly started crying, and he gets up and goes to the bedroom, and goes to sleep! WTF is up with that!?
it hurts my feelings, cause it's like he doesn't even care about her. sure he'll watch her if i go out, or he'll watch her for a couple hours while i get to sleep, but there has to be someone here for that to happen! he wants to hold her, and do stuff with her when other people are around. why you ask, cause he doesn't want them to think that he's as bad of a daddy as he really is!
it hurts my feelings to have to say that but it's true! he wonders why i'm bitchy all the time, well it's cause i do everything alone! i can't handle all the stress that i have, and i am alone, taking care of nataly. i could do this living alone, and not be with him! i just don't want my daughter to have to grow up without her daddy! and i still love him with all my so i don't want to leave him, but he really needs to change his ways!
he'll bring the boys here, and not even let me know they are coming! not that he has to ask permission to bring his boys over, but it would be nice to know! like the other day i wanted to go do something, and we couldn't cause he decided to have the boys stay the night without even letting me know! so of course i'm gonna be pissed! sunday night ethan stayed the night, along with adrian! that's another thing that really pisses me off, is that everytime the boys stay here adrian and nancy has to stay! why? he doesn't live here anymore, and he's a little too old for sleep overs! it makes me really mad! he's rude, and he's a fucking slob, and i can't stand it! nancy, i don't like her! she is victor's neice, and she's a really sneaky, nosy, disgusting little girl! she reminds me of her mom (victor's sister) and i can't stand her either!
well i don't know if i can take much more! i'm on paxil cause i'm depressed. i just have so much shit going on in my life, and it drives me crazy! i try to do everything alone, well not really by choice! so ijust have all this crap on my shoulders, and this is the only place i can get them out, cause no one wants to listen to me, and the one's that do try to give me advice, and that's something i don't want! i just want to be better, and not get advice from people that really don't know what the fuck is going on!
plus another thing is it is christmas time, and we are broke! it's depressing! i hate xmas, and most of all i hate winter! i have been home since thursday, and even on thursday i went to doctors and had nataly with me! i don't get to really do anything! and i know it was my choice to have nataly and i love her, and all the time i get to spend with her, but it would be nice to have some "me time."